Life is random, and I’m okay with that

10, 44, 45, 48, 53, 13.

You might know what these numbers are, and if you don’t, they were my picks for the mega millions jackpot drawing that occurred on Friday December 20th, 2024. Spoiler, I didn’t win.

At the time, it was valued at around 825 million dollars.

I don’t play the lotto, but for some reason this week I just felt I had to.

After wasting a few dollars, and ultimately losing, I ask myself, why? Why now?

And I think it’s because we want to feel like we have a shot. We want to feel like we can escape. And if $2 is all it takes for that feeling to exist, if only for a few days, then maybe that’s all we wanted. We don’t play to win, but to feel like we can win.

We want to be free to imagine the life if we won and actually know we have a chance, if even a small chance (and I mean a really small chance). We want to think that we could be one of the lucky ones. And the thing is, some people are, so why can’t I?

And all of this makes me wonder….why is life like this?

Why is there this randomness of winners and losers? Why are some people given everything, never forced to struggle a day in their life, while others fight to survive only to die a tragic and sometimes painful death.

So here I am, sitting back in my chair accepting the fact that today it wasn’t my turn to win. It wasn’t my turn to have random fortune. And I’m okay with that.

But then I wonder, why now? Why did I feel like I needed to try to change my life. What’s wrong with my life that I need to try to win something that’s unwinnable?

I think it’s because I’m tired. Do not get me wrong. I live a great life compared to where I was years ago. I have a wife, a son, a loving family, a good career, and the list goes on. But I’m tired.

I’m tired of scraping and saving to afford a house that, 5 years ago, was 40% cheaper. I’m tired of paying for health insurance that hardly works at all. I’m tired of waking up day after day to do the same thing over and over, and for what? So that in 40 years I can finally live? Will I even be able to fulfill dreams I have today when I’m 67?

I look at my son and think of all the time I can’t spend with him and will never spend with him. All the moments that will be lost while I go to work, while I’m stuck in traffic, or while I’m working overtime, and I think, why must it be like this? Why do I only get to live a life half full?

And then I think of those $2. These two dollars can change my life. Why wouldn’t I do it? Why wouldn’t I take that chance?

And like millions of people every week, I look at my numbers and think, was it even worth playing?

Again, I ask, why is life like this? I don’t know if I get jealous of those who have everything, but at the very least I get curious. What if I had everything? Would I be happy? Would I be fulfilled? Would these thoughts still be here? Would I even do the things I say I would?

Compared to a few years ago, I do have everything. I only dreamed of having the life I have today. But these thoughts, these problems, they’re still here.

So I ask this question not only to you but to myself: is it possible to enjoy the moment we’re in? Is it possible to stop wanting more? Is it within our DNA as humans to want more?

There’s this notion that’s often believed that money doesn’t make you happy, but it solves a lot of problems. And this is true. It solves a lot of problems that would, if you had them, make you unhappy. But here’s the paradoxical thing.

Money doesn’t solve the problem of wanting more money.

But is this even able to be solved? And that leads me back to the first point I made: we want to feel like we’re free. And that’s the real problem at hand here, how do we become free?

The thing is, once you acquire a lot of money, it often comes with the baggage required to acquire a lot of money (say that 3 times fast) such as a business or a large portfolio. Maybe it’s real estate or even cryptocurrency.

The point is, we chain ourselves to the thing that got us the money, thus never able to be free, and that’s the great irony of all of it. The thing that frees us becomes our master and we are the slave.

So I think what we must do, as we grow as humans, and as we grow our wealth, we must not forget the reason why we wanted to be wealthy. If it was to spend time with your family, free from the constraints of a job, then go do it. If it was to generously give without any regrets, then give. And even if it was to fulfill your egotistical self-image, then congratulate yourself and be proud of who you are.

I still wish I could spend more time with the people I care for, and I will still be curious of what life could be like. But I know that life is random, but I still have control. And with my control, I’m going to continue to make a life that, although could be better, it will be one I can be proud of when I take my final breath.

So I hope that while we are all at differents points in our lives, we can still live a life that we can be proud of.

Thanks for reading.